Saturday, August 30, 2014

Reach for the Stars.

I've been thinking about relationships and how we have held the key to finding ourselves through each other all along. Seemingly paradoxically, I have really focused in on putting yourself first in your life. For years, I've used that metaphor of putting on your oxygen mask first.You are the most important person in your life. However, we are also all one represented as different faces of the Universe and should do all we can for others in this life. I truly believe that we are all connected, all faces of the same Universe manifesting in unique ways. Celebrate your uniqueness.

The last few years I have really come to understand that it is relationships that are our greatest teachers. But that you need to know and honor yourself before you can show up fully in that way for another. Great relationships require that we show up fully as our true selves or things go awry...and many of us have forgotten who that is, if we ever knew. 

I'm guessing that most of us knew at one point, even if that was only briefly in childhood. Days where things flowed, when time stood still with wonder instead of dragging or flying by. We may have convinced ourselves that that was just being a child and not something we can have the privelage of in our adult lives. I'm not saying it's always magic and stardust, but there is definitely more than we allow ourselves, myself included. 

That magic is there. The courage to be real, to be vulnerable, to seek the truth is what is needed and may be scary but not so scary as living your second or third or fourth best life. Live your best life. What do you know you need to do but haven't done? Who do you need to call or see? What do you need to say? What do you need to release or invite? What do you need to accept, or who? 

Take a minute with these questions. And then do one thing that scares you. One thing you know you need to do but have been putting off for another day. ♡

This was my 16th day of writing out of the 30 day challenge. Life did get in the way, what with moving and settling in, unpacking and travel back and forth to teach and life coaching and business stuff and writing an article for the paper....(just dawned on me...that's 17 days!) However, I still feel that I was successful because I wrote so many more days than I would have had I not done the challenge. Quite a fitting post for the day that I talked about reaching for the stars. Because when you reach for the stars, the only way to go is up anyway... Namaste, birds.

Day 17, #writingchallenge #writeyourselfalive #writeordie #justwrite

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Life and Death.

Well, I've been up for over an hour and so I thought...I really should get my writing in for the day. This so counts as first thing in the morning when it's 3:45. It's actually the hour that I prefer to write, 2, 3, 4 am. Everything is so quiet. Just me staring at my computer, waiting for the next word to come. Peace and listening.

I spoke with a life coach today, just to experience her particular style because I think she's amazing. As a person and as a business woman and as an inspirer. And basically, she just told me to do it. I have a slight smile on my face as I type that because...isn't that what it is for most of us? JUST FREAKING DO IT. What do you want to do? Do it! Say SO WHAT if you make a mistake, tumble, just move on, get up and do something else. Get like a child and experience your god blessed life. 

This thought leads me back to something else I've been thinking about. I was very weighted down for a couple of days lately after I heard about the journalist, Steven Sotloff, who is being held in the video that had been released where another journalist, James Foley, was beheaded. And then I heard about that man that was beheaded, James ...and I looked into it further online and saw his picture and read about his family and accidentally saw the shocking picture of him after his death. I don't normally like to look at things like that. It's not a refusal that things like that exist, it's that I had nightmares for years, really bad ones for most of my life. Night terrors. And I don't like to put more of those images in my head than I have to. 

Anyway, it was something that I just couldn't shake, the death of this one and the holding of this other one. I know things go on everyday that are terrible beyond our comprehension. But something about this man wanting to do something...make a difference...putting himself out there in a way that he knew was dangerous and then having that happen to him. And to the man that is still in captivity and there are thousands and thousands of people being held in places and situations like that. This man, in this moment became very real and present for me and the weight and sadness of it sat with me. 

And then I saw his calling hours and all of the people who came out to celebrate his life. I saw his mother and his father being strong for those at the calling hours. I saw the people involved really focusing it on the difference that he made in this world instead of focusing on the act of terror. And it helped. It helped because it is true that this man LIVED his life. He had passion for what he was doing and knew the dangers and did it anyway. I'm guessing that there were many moments in captivity where he may have second guessed those decisions. Especially because he was so concerned for the pain that it was causing his family. But he lived while he was alive and what a beautiful example he was for the rest of us. 

See, I really had no idea that I was going to write about James Foley when I ambled in here in the darkness. But he has had an effect on me and I think that is true for many people. Honor this life by living it, not in fear but in courage and authenticity. Thank you, James Foley for your example of courage and authenticity. I know that you rest in peace. 

It is amazing that we don't even have to meet people for them to inspire and ignite us, isn't it? Isn't it just possible that you are inspiring someone as well? What is the example that you are setting? And the thing is...we can choose that in every moment. 

Day 15, #writeeverydamnday #writingchallenge #justwrite #jamesfoley

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Body Patterns and Spine Health.

This morning I woke up really feeling and understanding the scoliosis and rotation in my spine. You can't see it if you're just looking at me unless you're trained to look at bodies. But I can feel it now in the way that I sit, stand and practice. The thing that has truly made me most understand what is going on in my back is doing these handstands for about 200 days. My body always pulls to the left from the top of my handstand and yet seems to pull back against itself at the bottom because of the small rotation. It is said that your yoga practice is like a mirror, even handstands are very telling of what is going on within.

And now I know that my body stance and patterns have adjusted to my body structure by the way that I hold myself and lay down at night. Or that my body patterns have helped to create my body structure. When did it start, 10 years ago, 20, 30?

How do you sleep at night that might be indicative of something that is going on in your body? What body patterns are you creating or following that are reinforcing bad structural choices within you? Is there a stretch that is easy for you on one side that is difficult on the other? Does one shoe wear down more quickly than the other, in the front or the back? These are all questions that show how you hold your body and therefore, what the structure looks like inside.

I always sleep on my left hand side, with my trunk twisted, belly down with my right leg kicked out. That is just such a great resting place for my spine for however many hours I manage to stay in one position (if you didn't catch it, that's sarcasm). But, my my my is it difficult not to lay in that position when I try. I'm really curious, now that I am more aware of this, how much change I can bring about in my body by trying to correct my habits and by experimenting with yoga practices on one side vs. the other. I know it can be done, I just don't know how much is it that my spine actually naturally curves vs. the pattern that I've created for it? If it's patterning, I can make a lot of difference.

Anything that I can do to make my spine healthier and stronger now, you can bet your ass I'm going to as I've seen the effects that an unhealthy spine can have on your life. Your spine is "the river of life" as I've heard it called by yogi, Rod Stryker. If you lose that, life becomes much, much more physically difficult. Life goes on, of course...but I think that we all want to be as functional as we can for a long time to come. 

Making choices that support your best health, as you are now and can be in the future, is key. We all make choices every day, some of them are almost unconscious like the way that we sleep. Some of them are willful decisions almost against the body because we know what we do is bad for us. But once you know better, you CAN do better. Not to do so is just foolish... I know that some people make the choice to ignore what is going on in their body out of a refusal that their body can't do something that they are used to doing. I know that can be difficult, especially for Type A peeps. But living with a permanently damaged spine is so much more difficult than not doing the thing that you want to. For you and for those in your life who will have to take care of you later.

Back to my little scoliosis and rotation. Wish me luck on getting things...maybe a little more straight. Either way, knowledge is power. As long as you use the knowledge you have, of course.

Day 14 #justwrite #writingchallenge #writeeverydamnday #writeordie

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

in the wide.

visiting me in my dreams
images of yesterday
why they linger 
why they still

where do they sit 
at such strong will?
i do not call them 
yet they haunt me still

i believe in my soul
that things happen...
i believe that the happenings show 
themselves if they would

or could. who knows?

the ship is set to journey out
the ropes are all untied
the sun just breaks over the horizon
and there is so much, out in the wide

out in the wide...

Day 13 #writeeverydamnday #writingchallenge # justwrite #writeyourselfalive #writeordie

Friday, August 22, 2014

Needs, Wants and Coloring.

What do you want?

No, really. At your core. At your deepest level. Can you even form a clear thought around it? If you come up with an answer quickly, are you sure that it's true? Is that desire a result of what you have thought that you should want for so long that you don't even know any longer, or do you know what you want yet live in fear of what that could mean or what you would risk for it?

Are you uncomfortable? Good. That means this is something that you need to face, embrace and get comfortable with the discomfort so that you can actually get what you want. 

So, what do you want? I've been thinking and talking a lot lately about Anthony Robbins 6 human needs. And yes, there is a difference between need and want. But what you want is a symptom usually of something deeper that you need. Here is the list. 

The Six Human Needs

1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

Basically, he says that we all have these 6 needs, but that most of us focus on one or two in our lives at any given moment. Probably for years at a time. Some of us get stuck in one or two for our entire lives. 

Certainty is a big one for people who like to feel safe. Comfortable. Everything is status quo. Uncertainty is one for those thrill seekers, always needing to be on the edge. Two sides of a coin. An interesting dynamic, for me, because for the longest time these have been my top two. I always craved safety and comfort while a lot of my true nature needs variety and change. Now, I can absolutely say that my top need has become growth and the contribution part of my life has been growing and will continue to blossom. 

Anthony says that to be truly fulfilled, we need to bring more of those last two into our focus. I truly believe that, as well. If you're not growing, you're dying. If you're not something, you start to feel like you have no worth. I know, at one point or another I've been in both of these places. And I've spoken to people lately as a life coach and many people use the words useless or no purpose. Which is obviously not true. These are just stories we tell ourselves and then the stories take over our true selves. Bust out of the story.

But really all of these are needs that need to be met on some level. It's good to look at what need you are really filling in your life and if that is really FULfilling you. 

Back to what you want. Here's an idea. Sit down and write out your vision for your most fabulous life. Make it big, big, big. And then...take little steps towards that. If you give up on it...what do you think will happen. Okay, maybe you made it too big and what could be the consequence? That you don't get all of it and only a lot of it? So many of us waste our time and valuable life experiences by saying that we could never or it's just not meant to be. 

I want to start creating. No, scratch that. I want to continue to create (because we have created our current realities as well) but with even more faith, love, hope, joy and awareness than before. I want to use reds and purples, yellows and greens, bright and beautiful passionate colors with some nice resting colors in there as well because rest is necessary and feels so good. 

And see, what a beautiful world this is. 

Link to Tony Robbins page below.

Day 12, #justwrite #writeeverydamnday #writingchallenge #writeordie

Thursday, August 21, 2014

So Much Stuff.

T minus one day until all of my stuff is packed and out of this hotel. And I mean all my stuff packed except for the things that you use on a daily basis. Stuff that you can survive with for two to three months. 

I have so much STUFF. I'm sure if you have ever moved, you may have thought the same thing. Most of my stuff is books and kitchen stuff....and clothes of course. What if I'm in Alaska at a vodka party? This skirt and boots would be perfect for that...etc... Ladies, you know what I mean. 

It's just now sinking in that TODAY is the LAST day that I will come back to this room where my office stuff is and sit on my computer to do work. Isn't change interesting? We get so used to sitting in a particular chair, in a particular room, doing particular things. Adaptability is actually one of my strong points but...still. These rooms have become a part of me. I've worked here, slept here, cried here, laughed here, had dance parties when I'm celebrating. I've studied my ass off in this room for my 500 hour teacher training and for conducting my own 200 hour teacher training. 

And now, it will be something else. 

Change is good. Tomorrow, the walls will be bare of all of my cards, post it notes, certifications, vision boards and schedules but I hope that some of my energy that was built in this room remains and leaves behind a good feeling. 

Day 11, #writeeverydamnday #writingchallenge #justwrite #writeordie (I've been wanting to use this hashtag from the beginning. lol) 

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Lows, Highs and the In Between.

Wowzas...There is so much going on right now, that the only way I can hope to keep up with this writing challenge is to journal what is up. 

For those of you who don't know me, my husband owned a hotel, which we lived in for the last two years. Yes, I lived in a hotel. I'm sure that a lot of writing will come out of that experience in time to come. He just sold it and we have moved another hotel. We are now residing in Cleveland for a short time while we are planning where the permanent residence will be.

So, packing has been a large part of my life recently. And a great tip that my life coach gave me recently was that as I threw things away, to also attach to those things habits or actions or thoughts that no longer served me. I threw away old papers and indecision. I threw away half dead plants and sadness. I threw away needing things to turn out a certain way and an old shirt or two. 

It's a great practice. I felt my soul lift a little each time I lifted the garbage can lid. How many people can say that? 

I can tell you that I, like many of you to be sure, have had struggle in my life. My friends and family who know me well know all about that and thank God for them and their open ears and hearts. Yoga helped me through as well by helping me find my self, my voice, the beginnings of who I am now and the seeds of who I will become.

As I told a friend today, without that discomfort in life we never can be who we're meant to become. Within that discomfort is our magic that is waiting to bloom. Like a caterpillar that is so ready to become the butterfly, but is just not there quite yet. Life is a process of being and becoming. Being and becoming. We are already perfect and yet...we are also always becoming who we can be in the next moment. We can't ever really be done, can we? If you're done growing, what state are you in? Stagnation? Death?

We all go through discomfort, lows, hard places in life. If you are there now, just know...within all of us is that strong warrior, peaceful but ready for whatever life has to offer. We all have things, habits, beliefs that we can shed. What can you shed in order to become who you truly are in this moment?

Peace out, butterflies.

Day 11, #writeeverydamnday #justwrite #writingchallenge #writeyourselfalive

Friday, August 15, 2014

I am a Writer. I will be True.

I just finished writing my day 10 post that I will not be posting as I would like to turn it into a book.

The prompt that she gave (I didn't know that she was giving prompts, lol) was to write what you're afraid to write. Vulnerability is power. 

I entered the cave. It really needs to be a book, I think, because the subject makes me have a relationship with my laptop. I can feel my connection. It's like we're conspiring together over this topic. Sharing secrets. It becomes my best friend that I whisper to. 

It's an amazing, passionate feeling when words flow. Seeing your thoughts jump onto the screen a moment after you think them. Creating your baby. Creating a love. 

I think that I'm falling back in love with writing and it's been a long time coming. I want to commit myself to it, here and now. 

I am a writer. I will be true. I'm grateful to my angels for allowing me this gift. 

day 10, #writeyourselfalive #writeeverydamnday #justwrite #writingchallenge

Thursday, August 14, 2014

as it should be.

I don't need to know
what to say
because those who support me 
will know what i mean

i don't need to be perfect
because the world understands
that i do my best
and that is good enough

i don't have to do the right thing
or strike the right pose
as the thing i am doing 
is exactly what it needs to be

the next rock appears
and i take my step
and revel in the moment that is made
pleasant...or unpleasant, equanimous

those who are meant to be in your life, will.
those who are meant to hear your voice, will.
those who are meant to touch your life, will.

the only thing left to do is 

day 9, #writeeverydamnday #justwrite

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Pulse of Humanity.

I started my day the last two Tuesdays at a local nursing home and taught yoga and meditation to the residents there. It just always makes me realize how important it is to have people in your life who love you when I'm in a place like that. But you have to also be a person who loves your people a lot... that should help ensure that you have those people around you near and, well, at the end. But, the truth is that we can't ensure anything, can we? What if everyone died before us? What if we get alzheimer's and can't remember anyone? There are things that are variable like this in all of our lives. Roll of the proverbial dice. We can ensure that we have faith and give it to God. We can do our best. We can build our temples in our bodies and minds and hearts and love as much as we can, for as long as we can.

The truth is that there are a lot of people that end up in places like these with no one around in their later years of life. When I was 20 I got a job working in a geriatric psych ward as a nurse's assistant. This was a nice name for a cleaning lady, basically. I did most of the dirty jobs like changing bed pans and sheets and holding dirty hands. And you know what, I didn't care one bit. I didn't even think about it because more than caring about that stuff, the people who needed the help seemed like such the bigger priority.

Certain people are just built for different things. I think most people might not have stayed past the day I interviewed, looking back. On the day of my interview, I walked into those double locked doors that I had to be buzzed into. There was a whiteness as you entered that I had never encountered before. The whiteness of a clinical setting. Bright. Quiet with the hum of music in the background. I still remember walking past the eating area of the ward where a few patients were sitting randomly. One man was being fed his morning coffee by a nurse, as he couldn't do it himself. I remember being struck by the vulnerability of not being able to drink your own coffee. And by the beauty of someone helping him to do that.

I walked up to the desk and there was a woman sitting on a bench with a robe on. She looked depressed. She then stood up and completely opened her robe, exposing her naked chest underneath while being very verbal. I averted my eyes but it was obvious what she was doing to my left. I told the nurses behind the desk that I was there for an interview and the woman, with her robe half on/half off, walked straight over to me with a purpose. She said something like, 'thank god you're here,' as if she had been waiting for me. We immediately sat down and talked and the head nurse said that when she saw that, she knew she wanted me to work on her floor. 

I felt honored to have been chosen, even though the work was by no means glamorous.  The job only lasted 8 months for me, only because the psych floor had lost funding and jobs had to be cut. I didn't want to work anywhere else in the hospital. I even tried for a few weeks and ended up running to my car at the end of each day because I absolutely hated the same job in different areas of the hospital. It was those particular people who called to my heart there. And that experience will stay with me forever. 

Day 8, #writeeverydamnday #justwrite 

Saturday, August 9, 2014

poem for day 7, #writeeverydamnday

I kissed the seeds of the dandelion
And flew with them throughout the wind
They scattered into parts unknown
and where they went I followed

I stroked the face of the ocean blue
and together we rode the depths
on the backs of dolphins dived below
and listened to their bellows

I felt the ground shake with the elephant
Felt the warmth upon my back
The air clung to my skin as I clung to them
And I heard them whisper Om

What a world this is
an opportunity
yet we're around only ourselves
can't see our struggling spirit

when we look to the Earth
when we look to the Sea
when we look to the Heavens
it becomes clear, becomes one

with all of these beautiful faces
and individual personalities
we get tricked, we get stuck
we are one, it's such luck

with an opportunity to be ourselves.

day 7, #writeyourselfalive #writeeverydamnday #justwrite

just writing. day 6 of writing challenge.

I have some catching up to do. I'm two days behind on my writing challenge. I feel like I'm always doing SOMETHING but I know that there are people out there that do much, much more in a day than I do. (Beyonce, Barack Obama just to name two...when I want to whine, I think of people like this. am I REALLY doing SO much?) Although, to be honest, I really don't feel like whining anymore. Only that I'm tired sometimes. But never about what I have going on.

And I've learned to take rest in the past 6 months. I've started sleeping again on a more regular basis and sometimes...there is even a nap. Oh, sweet heavens. Plus, I'm starting to just be in a flow with the things that I create for myself to do. Yes, there's always something...but it's usually something that I want to have in my life, or if I didn't get it done, I'd feel like I would be cheating myself or others.

For instance, the handstand posts. After Vipassana meditation week, I had felt 'do I really need to be doing these handstands, what purpose do they serve'? But I know that people really appreciate them and some people really do look for them thereby... they are serving a purpose. So, I'm getting my practice, one. I'm giving people inspiration or whatever it is that they get from the posts, I'm sure it's different for different people, two. And three, I said I would do it. It's a 365 day challenge, not 170 days. So, I'm doing it. Even if I'm on full tilt all day and get home at 10 or 11, I can do one handstand regardless and think of something to say or find a quote. 5 minutes.

I know that all of this is leading me somewhere but I've also just learned to be in this moment and appreciate what it is here and now.  Next stone to step on, next stone to step on from here...etc. Appreciating this stone, this moment.

I'm starting to also truly believe in timelessness. I remember hearing my teacher say in class one day, you always have enough time. I happened to be running late that day and I was thinking...really? Do I always have enough time? Not today!

Question: Are there 24 hours in a day? Who says!? I mean, really...who says you have to base your time off of what is standard?

You don't. We just do what is normal because if we don't people call us weird. Until you say...damn it, I'm weird. And if you think about it, you're weird. We're all weird in our own beautiful way. Get weird. It's cool.

Day 6, #writeeverydamnday #justwrite #writeyourselfalive

Thursday, August 7, 2014

why can't i find something to write about?

there is so much really that i could. so much in my back pocket that I've yet to take out and look at from different angles.

and yet, nothing seems to be floating up, coming up, coming free.

i'm in a new phase, a new place, a new bed. what more do i need to get my creative juices flowing?

i still have a lot settling, mud settling to the bottom. there is a lotus flower waiting there, i know it.

day 5, #writeeverydamnday #justwrite

Monday, August 4, 2014

Yoga and the Rose.

What has yoga done for me?

Firstly, rocked my world. Literally. Yoga came to me about three years ago in a big way and opened my eyes before I knew that it had happened. It made me put me first. It made me question everything. It made me a better person than I was. I had already been a - putting others first bleeding heart and loving others - kind of person... but yoga brings you to being more balanced and so it promptly pushed my shoulders back with confidence as well. 

The yoga journey is not without it's bumps and bruises and I don't mean just from falling out of handstand. It makes you look at yourself in ways you haven't before. It makes you get quiet so that you can actually hear instead of just creating meaningless chatter to fill the void. It asks you what matters. It gives you a nicer ass than you had before. (I mean, let's be honest). It gives you flexibility. It gives you patience. I'm not just blowing smoke up the chimney, it really does all of these things.  

Some people just want yoga for the nice ass part. That's fine. But the rest of it, if it calls to you, is there and available. The other night in Savasana I imagined all that I ever wanted to know was lodged tightly inside of a rosebud. I knew that of course I could not rip into that rosebud and pry it open with my little greedy fingers. Ripping things open, forcing things, just rips the thing that you're also longing for. You must give it water and space and sunshine. You must watch it, even though you love it so much you want to rip it from the ground and press it to your face. That aggressiveness, though, is not truly love. That is desire to own. Different thing entirely. Love allows things to blossom. Okay, getting off on a tangent here...coming back around.

Back to yoga. It will bring you friends that you would never, and I mean never, have met without it. Like minded people but also people that you may not have been open to without both of you being on a yoga mat in the same room. 

Yoga is a way of life. It's not just the physical practice. It's the way you start to think and feel. You say to yourself more often, "I can't believe this isn't pissing me off?" or "I would never have waited that long without losing it 6 months ago.." 

You get the picture. Yoga is pretty good shit. Try it. You'll like it. If you don't...go to at least three other teachers/styles before you give up on it. There is one out there for you, I guarantee it. It's not always the first one that grabs you. Trust me, yoga took years for me to find. I knew I wanted it but everything I tried seemed too slow or too gym based (I prefer a studio) or it was missing something. Once I caught the yoga bug....done and done.... yoga love.

Yoga finds where you need, even in places you may not know that you need and it helps you to let go of that need or to go after it. Finding you. Doing you. Loving you. And when you do that...that rosebud opens one petal at a time, revealing bliss, peace, love and abundance. Some days...less than others but you know it's there and you're willing to wait. One day at a time opening. 

Peace~ Erin

#writeyourselfalive #writeeverydamnday #justwrite

The pests on the beach.

I just got home after about a 9 hour drive from Wisconsin. 

On TV, there is a show called Urban Jungle that is talking about how animals are coming into our urban settings and how we have to make room for them since we are taking over the Earth and they have nowhere to go. 

It's funny because just this morning we were going on a beach walk and a meditation. Before we went we were all just silently gathering on the sidewalks and most of us were looking at Lake Michigan. There were a flock of seagulls on the beach. They were silent and still and I thought, why do they seem so annoying when you're on the beach? 

And then I thought...they must think the same about us! This is their beach. They hang out here peacefully and then every day, like it or not, here come the herds of humans. Loud, obnoxious, smelly humans with all of their garbage. However, they do bring food. Other than that, they're pretty useless. :)

I mean, really. Silent peaceful beach. The only thing missing that changes it was the...humans. 

Saturday, August 2, 2014

secret to happiness, one moment at a time.

I'm doing a lot of reading lately.

One thing that I'm currently reading is the Course in Miracles. I tried reading it before but it wasn't the time and so it didn't work out. But now it seems to be.The lessons are about how we see in the world and about trying to make the mind understand that we don't even really see the world as it is. We only see the past and play it out on the people and environment around us currently. I'm on day 12.

So interesting. That means if we don't learn that lesson, history is bound to repeat itself over and over again in our lives like a broken record. I've heard people recently saying things like this. "Why does this always happen to me." Or, "story of my life." Or, "God doesn't want me to be happy." Whoa. Do not let words like this come out of your mouth. The only way to not let it happen is to first become aware of the things that you're saying. And then, like Wayne Dyer says, place that thought back on the conveyor belt and choose another. Do it again, and again, and again until the thoughts and words are truly positive. Not because you're lying to yourself or others but because you really feel that way.

I have a coach currently. A mentor. And he sent me a video the other day that is on Ted Talk that discusses the secret to success. Happiness. And we choose happiness by choosing the way that we think. Sounds simple enough. But trust me. I know that when I first heard this concept, I was like, OH GREAT. I'll just choose my thoughts, cuz that's so easy!! It's not easy. It's a process. But it can be done. And the results are worth it, my friend.

Friday, August 1, 2014

dragons and heroes.

what can i write about for this 30 day challenge?

write your truest sentence, as ernest hemingway says. my truest sentence. 

i'm in deep and i have found peace within. 

nothing can stop me now from this path of self discovery, of the digging and smoothing the dirt. digging and smoothing the dirt. sifting through to find the gold and to find the stones that no longer belong. 

i have only just begun and it seems that i have so far to go but i am not looking at the horizon. i cannot look there because it is so far away and so uncertain. i can only look right here in front of me and see what i have in my hands. what road lays beneath my feet right now. where should this very next step land? if i am thinking about my step 30, 40, 50 steps from now, how will i ever truly experience this one right here and now? how will i feel the land beneath my feet so sweet and present? how will i know it so fully, that i spiritually know where the next one truly goes from there?

i wish that i had more knowledge than i do. i have always wished that. but i only have the knowledge that i have and can only make my moves from there. the best that i have to give. the experience that i have gathered and will continue to collect upon my bones as i roll through this world.

i continue to grow my heart and to give it to others. i have a special container of water that is sacred and reserved for watering the roots of my heart. the roots go very deep. sometimes i hide the branches, though. sometimes i even hide the trunk that is above the surface because of fear. i am holding a sword of light in my hand. i am conquering the fear of the dragon that destroys hearts by not loving them. that dragon is not even the real enemy, the fear is. and that's why i'm conquering the fear instead. that dragon is scared too. that is what is so ironic here. the dragons are just as afraid as the heroes and both of them just want to be loved.