Showing posts from August, 2014

Reach for the Stars.

I've been thinking about relationships and how we have held the key to finding ourselves through each other all along. Seemingly paradoxically, I have really focused in on putting yourself first in your life. For years, I've used that metaphor of putting on your oxygen mask first.You are the most important person in your life. However, we are also all one represented as different faces of the Universe and should do all we can for others in this life. I truly believe that we are all connected, all faces of the same Universe manifesting in unique ways. Celebrate your uniqueness.

The last few years I have really come to understand that it is relationships that are our greatest teachers. But that you need to know and honor yourself before you can show up fully in that way for another. Great relationships require that we show up fully as our true selves or things go awry...and many of us have forgotten who that is, if we ever knew. 

I'm guessing that most of us knew at one point,…

Life and Death.

Well, I've been up for over an hour and so I thought...I really should get my writing in for the day. This so counts as first thing in the morning when it's 3:45. It's actually the hour that I prefer to write, 2, 3, 4 am. Everything is so quiet. Just me staring at my computer, waiting for the next word to come. Peace and listening.

I spoke with a life coach today, just to experience her particular style because I think she's amazing. As a person and as a business woman and as an inspirer. And basically, she just told me to do it. I have a slight smile on my face as I type that because...isn't that what it is for most of us? JUST FREAKING DO IT. What do you want to do? Do it! Say SO WHAT if you make a mistake, tumble, just move on, get up and do something else. Get like a child and experience your god blessed life. 

This thought leads me back to something else I've been thinking about. I was very weighted down for a couple of days lately after I heard…

Body Patterns and Spine Health.

This morning I woke up really feeling and understanding the scoliosis and rotation in my spine. You can't see it if you're just looking at me unless you're trained to look at bodies. But I can feel it now in the way that I sit, stand and practice. The thing that has truly made me most understand what is going on in my back is doing these handstands for about 200 days. My body always pulls to the left from the top of my handstand and yet seems to pull back against itself at the bottom because of the small rotation. It is said that your yoga practice is like a mirror, even handstands are very telling of what is going on within.

And now I know that my body stance and patterns have adjusted to my body structure by the way that I hold myself and lay down at night. Or that my body patterns have helped to create my body structure. When did it start, 10 years ago, 20, 30?
How do you sleep at night that might be indicative of something that is going on in your body? What body pattern…

in the wide.

visiting me in my dreams
images of yesterday why they linger  why they still
where do they sit  at such strong will? i do not call them  yet they haunt me still
i believe in my soul that things happen... i believe that the happenings show  themselves if they would
or could. who knows?
the ship is set to journey out the ropes are all untied the sun just breaks over the horizon and there is so much, out in the wide
out in the wide...

Day 13 #writeeverydamnday #writingchallenge # justwrite #writeyourselfalive #writeordie

Needs, Wants and Coloring.

What do you want?

No, really. At your core. At your deepest level. Can you even form a clear thought around it? If you come up with an answer quickly, are you sure that it's true? Is that desire a result of what you have thought that you should want for so long that you don't even know any longer, or do you know what you want yet live in fear of what that could mean or what you would risk for it?

Are you uncomfortable? Good. That means this is something that you need to face, embrace and get comfortable with the discomfort so that you can actually get what you want. 

So, what do you want? I've been thinking and talking a lot lately about Anthony Robbins 6 human needs. And yes, there is a difference between need and want. But what you want is a symptom usually of something deeper that you need. Here is the list. 

The Six Human Needs 1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure 2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli 3. Significance

So Much Stuff.

T minus one day until all of my stuff is packed and out of this hotel. And I mean all my stuff packed except for the things that you use on a daily basis. Stuff that you can survive with for two to three months. 

I have so much STUFF. I'm sure if you have ever moved, you may have thought the same thing. Most of my stuff is books and kitchen stuff....and clothes of course. What if I'm in Alaska at a vodka party? This skirt and boots would be perfect for that...etc... Ladies, you know what I mean. 

It's just now sinking in that TODAY is the LAST day that I will come back to this room where my office stuff is and sit on my computer to do work. Isn't change interesting? We get so used to sitting in a particular chair, in a particular room, doing particular things. Adaptability is actually one of my strong points but...still. These rooms have become a part of me. I've worked here, slept here, cried here, laughed here, had dance parties when I'm celebrating. I've s…

Lows, Highs and the In Between.

Wowzas...There is so much going on right now, that the only way I can hope to keep up with this writing challenge is to journal what is up. 

For those of you who don't know me, my husband owned a hotel, which we lived in for the last two years. Yes, I lived in a hotel. I'm sure that a lot of writing will come out of that experience in time to come. He just sold it and we have moved another hotel. We are now residing in Cleveland for a short time while we are planning where the permanent residence will be.

So, packing has been a large part of my life recently. And a great tip that my life coach gave me recently was that as I threw things away, to also attach to those things habits or actions or thoughts that no longer served me. I threw away old papers and indecision. I threw away half dead plants and sadness. I threw away needing things to turn out a certain way and an old shirt or two. 

It's a great practice. I felt my soul lift a little each time I lifted the…

I am a Writer. I will be True.

I just finished writing my day 10 post that I will not be posting as I would like to turn it into a book.

The prompt that she gave (I didn't know that she was giving prompts, lol) was to write what you're afraid to write. Vulnerability is power. 

I entered the cave. It really needs to be a book, I think, because the subject makes me have a relationship with my laptop. I can feel my connection. It's like we're conspiring together over this topic. Sharing secrets. It becomes my best friend that I whisper to. 

It's an amazing, passionate feeling when words flow. Seeing your thoughts jump onto the screen a moment after you think them. Creating your baby. Creating a love. 

I think that I'm falling back in love with writing and it's been a long time coming. I want to commit myself to it, here and now. 

I am a writer. I will be true. I'm grateful to my angels for allowing me this gift. 

day 10, #writeyourselfalive #writeeverydamnday #justwrite #writingchallenge

as it should be.

I don't need to know what to say because those who support me  will know what i mean
i don't need to be perfect because the world understands that i do my best and that is good enough
i don't have to do the right thing or strike the right pose as the thing i am doing  is exactly what it needs to be

the next rock appears
and i take my step
and revel in the moment that is made
pleasant...or unpleasant, equanimous
breathe.  those who are meant to be in your life, will. those who are meant to hear your voice, will. those who are meant to touch your life, will.
the only thing left to do is  go with the  flow.
day 9, #writeeverydamnday #justwrite

The Pulse of Humanity.

I started my day the last two Tuesdays at a local nursing home and taught yoga and meditation to the residents there. It just always makes me realize how important it is to have people in your life who love you when I'm in a place like that. But you have to also be a person who loves your people a lot... that should help ensure that you have those people around you near and, well, at the end. But, the truth is that we can't ensure anything, can we? What if everyone died before us? What if we get alzheimer's and can't remember anyone? There are things that are variable like this in all of our lives. Roll of the proverbial dice. We can ensure that we have faith and give it to God. We can do our best. We can build our temples in our bodies and minds and hearts and love as much as we can, for as long as we can.

The truth is that there are a lot of people that end up in places like these with no one around in their later years of life. When I was 20 I got a job working in a …

poem for day 7, #writeeverydamnday

I kissed the seeds of the dandelion And flew with them throughout the wind They scattered into parts unknown and where they went I followed
I stroked the face of the ocean blue and together we rode the depths on the backs of dolphins dived below and listened to their bellows
I felt the ground shake with the elephant Felt the warmth upon my back The air clung to my skin as I clung to them And I heard them whisper Om
What a world this is an opportunity yet we're around only ourselves can't see our struggling spirit
when we look to the Earth when we look to the Sea when we look to the Heavens it becomes clear, becomes one
with all of these beautiful faces and individual personalities we get tricked, we get stuck we are one, it's such luck
with an opportunity to be ourselves.
day 7, #writeyourselfalive #writeeverydamnday #justwrite

just writing. day 6 of writing challenge.

I have some catching up to do. I'm two days behind on my writing challenge. I feel like I'm always doing SOMETHING but I know that there are people out there that do much, much more in a day than I do. (Beyonce, Barack Obama just to name two...when I want to whine, I think of people like this. am I REALLY doing SO much?) Although, to be honest, I really don't feel like whining anymore. Only that I'm tired sometimes. But never about what I have going on.

And I've learned to take rest in the past 6 months. I've started sleeping again on a more regular basis and sometimes...there is even a nap. Oh, sweet heavens. Plus, I'm starting to just be in a flow with the things that I create for myself to do. Yes, there's always something...but it's usually something that I want to have in my life, or if I didn't get it done, I'd feel like I would be cheating myself or others.

For instance, the handstand posts. After Vipassana meditation week, I had felt…
why can't i find something to write about?

there is so much really that i could. so much in my back pocket that I've yet to take out and look at from different angles.

and yet, nothing seems to be floating up, coming up, coming free.

i'm in a new phase, a new place, a new bed. what more do i need to get my creative juices flowing?

i still have a lot settling, mud settling to the bottom. there is a lotus flower waiting there, i know it.

day 5, #writeeverydamnday #justwrite

Yoga and the Rose.

What has yoga done for me?

Firstly, rocked my world. Literally. Yoga came to me about three years ago in a big way and opened my eyes before I knew that it had happened. It made me put me first. It made me question everything. It made me a better person than I was. I had already been a - putting others first bleeding heart and loving others - kind of person... but yoga brings you to being more balanced and so it promptly pushed my shoulders back with confidence as well. 
The yoga journey is not without it's bumps and bruises and I don't mean just from falling out of handstand. It makes you look at yourself in ways you haven't before. It makes you get quiet so that you can actually hear instead of just creating meaningless chatter to fill the void. It asks you what matters. It gives you a nicer ass than you had before. (I mean, let's be honest). It gives you flexibility. It gives you patience. I'm not just blowing smoke up the chimney, it really does all of these thin…

The pests on the beach.

I just got home after about a 9 hour drive from Wisconsin. 

On TV, there is a show called Urban Jungle that is talking about how animals are coming into our urban settings and how we have to make room for them since we are taking over the Earth and they have nowhere to go. 

It's funny because just this morning we were going on a beach walk and a meditation. Before we went we were all just silently gathering on the sidewalks and most of us were looking at Lake Michigan. There were a flock of seagulls on the beach. They were silent and still and I thought, why do they seem so annoying when you're on the beach? 

And then I thought...they must think the same about us! This is their beach. They hang out here peacefully and then every day, like it or not, here come the herds of humans. Loud, obnoxious, smelly humans with all of their garbage. However, they do bring food. Other than that, they're pretty useless. :)

I mean, really. Silent peaceful beach. The only thing missing that ch…

secret to happiness, one moment at a time.

I'm doing a lot of reading lately.

One thing that I'm currently reading is the Course in Miracles. I tried reading it before but it wasn't the time and so it didn't work out. But now it seems to be.The lessons are about how we see in the world and about trying to make the mind understand that we don't even really see the world as it is. We only see the past and play it out on the people and environment around us currently. I'm on day 12.

So interesting. That means if we don't learn that lesson, history is bound to repeat itself over and over again in our lives like a broken record. I've heard people recently saying things like this. "Why does this always happen to me." Or, "story of my life." Or, "God doesn't want me to be happy." Whoa. Do not let words like this come out of your mouth. The only way to not let it happen is to first become aware of the things that you're saying. And then, like Wayne Dyer says, place th…

dragons and heroes.

what can i write about for this 30 day challenge?

write your truest sentence, as ernest hemingway says. my truest sentence. 

i'm in deep and i have found peace within. 

nothing can stop me now from this path of self discovery, of the digging and smoothing the dirt. digging and smoothing the dirt. sifting through to find the gold and to find the stones that no longer belong. 

i have only just begun and it seems that i have so far to go but i am not looking at the horizon. i cannot look there because it is so far away and so uncertain. i can only look right here in front of me and see what i have in my hands. what road lays beneath my feet right now. where should this very next step land? if i am thinking about my step 30, 40, 50 steps from now, how will i ever truly experience this one right here and now? how will i feel the land beneath my feet so sweet and present? how will i know it so fully, that i spiritually know where the next one truly goes from there?

i wish that i had more kno…