Thursday, August 28, 2014

Life and Death.

Well, I've been up for over an hour and so I thought...I really should get my writing in for the day. This so counts as first thing in the morning when it's 3:45. It's actually the hour that I prefer to write, 2, 3, 4 am. Everything is so quiet. Just me staring at my computer, waiting for the next word to come. Peace and listening.

I spoke with a life coach today, just to experience her particular style because I think she's amazing. As a person and as a business woman and as an inspirer. And basically, she just told me to do it. I have a slight smile on my face as I type that because...isn't that what it is for most of us? JUST FREAKING DO IT. What do you want to do? Do it! Say SO WHAT if you make a mistake, tumble, just move on, get up and do something else. Get like a child and experience your god blessed life. 

This thought leads me back to something else I've been thinking about. I was very weighted down for a couple of days lately after I heard about the journalist, Steven Sotloff, who is being held in the video that had been released where another journalist, James Foley, was beheaded. And then I heard about that man that was beheaded, James ...and I looked into it further online and saw his picture and read about his family and accidentally saw the shocking picture of him after his death. I don't normally like to look at things like that. It's not a refusal that things like that exist, it's that I had nightmares for years, really bad ones for most of my life. Night terrors. And I don't like to put more of those images in my head than I have to. 

Anyway, it was something that I just couldn't shake, the death of this one and the holding of this other one. I know things go on everyday that are terrible beyond our comprehension. But something about this man wanting to do something...make a difference...putting himself out there in a way that he knew was dangerous and then having that happen to him. And to the man that is still in captivity and there are thousands and thousands of people being held in places and situations like that. This man, in this moment became very real and present for me and the weight and sadness of it sat with me. 

And then I saw his calling hours and all of the people who came out to celebrate his life. I saw his mother and his father being strong for those at the calling hours. I saw the people involved really focusing it on the difference that he made in this world instead of focusing on the act of terror. And it helped. It helped because it is true that this man LIVED his life. He had passion for what he was doing and knew the dangers and did it anyway. I'm guessing that there were many moments in captivity where he may have second guessed those decisions. Especially because he was so concerned for the pain that it was causing his family. But he lived while he was alive and what a beautiful example he was for the rest of us. 

See, I really had no idea that I was going to write about James Foley when I ambled in here in the darkness. But he has had an effect on me and I think that is true for many people. Honor this life by living it, not in fear but in courage and authenticity. Thank you, James Foley for your example of courage and authenticity. I know that you rest in peace. 

It is amazing that we don't even have to meet people for them to inspire and ignite us, isn't it? Isn't it just possible that you are inspiring someone as well? What is the example that you are setting? And the thing is...we can choose that in every moment. 

Day 15, #writeeverydamnday #writingchallenge #justwrite #jamesfoley

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Body Patterns and Spine Health.

This morning I woke up really feeling and understanding the scoliosis and rotation in my spine. You can't see it if you're just looking at me unless you're trained to look at bodies. But I can feel it now in the way that I sit, stand and practice. The thing that has truly made me most understand what is going on in my back is doing these handstands for about 200 days. My body always pulls to the left from the top of my handstand and yet seems to pull back against itself at the bottom because of the small rotation. It is said that your yoga practice is like a mirror, even handstands are very telling of what is going on within.

And now I know that my body stance and patterns have adjusted to my body structure by the way that I hold myself and lay down at night. Or that my body patterns have helped to create my body structure. When did it start, 10 years ago, 20, 30?

How do you sleep at night that might be indicative of something that is going on in your body? What body patterns are you creating or following that are reinforcing bad structural choices within you? Is there a stretch that is easy for you on one side that is difficult on the other? Does one shoe wear down more quickly than the other, in the front or the back? These are all questions that show how you hold your body and therefore, what the structure looks like inside.

I always sleep on my left hand side, with my trunk twisted, belly down with my right leg kicked out. That is just such a great resting place for my spine for however many hours I manage to stay in one position (if you didn't catch it, that's sarcasm). But, my my my is it difficult not to lay in that position when I try. I'm really curious, now that I am more aware of this, how much change I can bring about in my body by trying to correct my habits and by experimenting with yoga practices on one side vs. the other. I know it can be done, I just don't know how much is it that my spine actually naturally curves vs. the pattern that I've created for it? If it's patterning, I can make a lot of difference.

Anything that I can do to make my spine healthier and stronger now, you can bet your ass I'm going to as I've seen the effects that an unhealthy spine can have on your life. Your spine is "the river of life" as I've heard it called by yogi, Rod Stryker. If you lose that, life becomes much, much more physically difficult. Life goes on, of course...but I think that we all want to be as functional as we can for a long time to come. 

Making choices that support your best health, as you are now and can be in the future, is key. We all make choices every day, some of them are almost unconscious like the way that we sleep. Some of them are willful decisions almost against the body because we know what we do is bad for us. But once you know better, you CAN do better. Not to do so is just foolish... I know that some people make the choice to ignore what is going on in their body out of a refusal that their body can't do something that they are used to doing. I know that can be difficult, especially for Type A peeps. But living with a permanently damaged spine is so much more difficult than not doing the thing that you want to. For you and for those in your life who will have to take care of you later.

Back to my little scoliosis and rotation. Wish me luck on getting things...maybe a little more straight. Either way, knowledge is power. As long as you use the knowledge you have, of course.

Day 14 #justwrite #writingchallenge #writeeverydamnday #writeordie

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

in the wide.

visiting me in my dreams
images of yesterday
why they linger 
why they still

where do they sit 
at such strong will?
i do not call them 
yet they haunt me still

i believe in my soul
that things happen...
i believe that the happenings show 
themselves if they would

or could. who knows?

the ship is set to journey out
the ropes are all untied
the sun just breaks over the horizon
and there is so much, out in the wide

out in the wide...

Day 13 #writeeverydamnday #writingchallenge # justwrite #writeyourselfalive #writeordie

Friday, August 22, 2014

Needs, Wants and Coloring.

What do you want?

No, really. At your core. At your deepest level. Can you even form a clear thought around it? If you come up with an answer quickly, are you sure that it's true? Is that desire a result of what you have thought that you should want for so long that you don't even know any longer, or do you know what you want yet live in fear of what that could mean or what you would risk for it?

Are you uncomfortable? Good. That means this is something that you need to face, embrace and get comfortable with the discomfort so that you can actually get what you want. 

So, what do you want? I've been thinking and talking a lot lately about Anthony Robbins 6 human needs. And yes, there is a difference between need and want. But what you want is a symptom usually of something deeper that you need. Here is the list. 

The Six Human Needs

1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

Basically, he says that we all have these 6 needs, but that most of us focus on one or two in our lives at any given moment. Probably for years at a time. Some of us get stuck in one or two for our entire lives. 

Certainty is a big one for people who like to feel safe. Comfortable. Everything is status quo. Uncertainty is one for those thrill seekers, always needing to be on the edge. Two sides of a coin. An interesting dynamic, for me, because for the longest time these have been my top two. I always craved safety and comfort while a lot of my true nature needs variety and change. Now, I can absolutely say that my top need has become growth and the contribution part of my life has been growing and will continue to blossom. 

Anthony says that to be truly fulfilled, we need to bring more of those last two into our focus. I truly believe that, as well. If you're not growing, you're dying. If you're not something, you start to feel like you have no worth. I know, at one point or another I've been in both of these places. And I've spoken to people lately as a life coach and many people use the words useless or no purpose. Which is obviously not true. These are just stories we tell ourselves and then the stories take over our true selves. Bust out of the story.

But really all of these are needs that need to be met on some level. It's good to look at what need you are really filling in your life and if that is really FULfilling you. 

Back to what you want. Here's an idea. Sit down and write out your vision for your most fabulous life. Make it big, big, big. And then...take little steps towards that. If you give up on it...what do you think will happen. Okay, maybe you made it too big and what could be the consequence? That you don't get all of it and only a lot of it? So many of us waste our time and valuable life experiences by saying that we could never or it's just not meant to be. 

I want to start creating. No, scratch that. I want to continue to create (because we have created our current realities as well) but with even more faith, love, hope, joy and awareness than before. I want to use reds and purples, yellows and greens, bright and beautiful passionate colors with some nice resting colors in there as well because rest is necessary and feels so good. 

And see, what a beautiful world this is. 

Link to Tony Robbins page below.

Day 12, #justwrite #writeeverydamnday #writingchallenge #writeordie

Thursday, August 21, 2014

So Much Stuff.

T minus one day until all of my stuff is packed and out of this hotel. And I mean all my stuff packed except for the things that you use on a daily basis. Stuff that you can survive with for two to three months. 

I have so much STUFF. I'm sure if you have ever moved, you may have thought the same thing. Most of my stuff is books and kitchen stuff....and clothes of course. What if I'm in Alaska at a vodka party? This skirt and boots would be perfect for that...etc... Ladies, you know what I mean. 

It's just now sinking in that TODAY is the LAST day that I will come back to this room where my office stuff is and sit on my computer to do work. Isn't change interesting? We get so used to sitting in a particular chair, in a particular room, doing particular things. Adaptability is actually one of my strong points but...still. These rooms have become a part of me. I've worked here, slept here, cried here, laughed here, had dance parties when I'm celebrating. I've studied my ass off in this room for my 500 hour teacher training and for conducting my own 200 hour teacher training. 

And now, it will be something else. 

Change is good. Tomorrow, the walls will be bare of all of my cards, post it notes, certifications, vision boards and schedules but I hope that some of my energy that was built in this room remains and leaves behind a good feeling. 

Day 11, #writeeverydamnday #writingchallenge #justwrite #writeordie (I've been wanting to use this hashtag from the beginning. lol) 

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Lows, Highs and the In Between.

Wowzas...There is so much going on right now, that the only way I can hope to keep up with this writing challenge is to journal what is up. 

For those of you who don't know me, my husband owned a hotel, which we lived in for the last two years. Yes, I lived in a hotel. I'm sure that a lot of writing will come out of that experience in time to come. He just sold it and we have moved another hotel. We are now residing in Cleveland for a short time while we are planning where the permanent residence will be.

So, packing has been a large part of my life recently. And a great tip that my life coach gave me recently was that as I threw things away, to also attach to those things habits or actions or thoughts that no longer served me. I threw away old papers and indecision. I threw away half dead plants and sadness. I threw away needing things to turn out a certain way and an old shirt or two. 

It's a great practice. I felt my soul lift a little each time I lifted the garbage can lid. How many people can say that? 

I can tell you that I, like many of you to be sure, have had struggle in my life. My friends and family who know me well know all about that and thank God for them and their open ears and hearts. Yoga helped me through as well by helping me find my self, my voice, the beginnings of who I am now and the seeds of who I will become.

As I told a friend today, without that discomfort in life we never can be who we're meant to become. Within that discomfort is our magic that is waiting to bloom. Like a caterpillar that is so ready to become the butterfly, but is just not there quite yet. Life is a process of being and becoming. Being and becoming. We are already perfect and yet...we are also always becoming who we can be in the next moment. We can't ever really be done, can we? If you're done growing, what state are you in? Stagnation? Death?

We all go through discomfort, lows, hard places in life. If you are there now, just know...within all of us is that strong warrior, peaceful but ready for whatever life has to offer. We all have things, habits, beliefs that we can shed. What can you shed in order to become who you truly are in this moment?

Peace out, butterflies.

Day 11, #writeeverydamnday #justwrite #writingchallenge #writeyourselfalive

Friday, August 15, 2014

I am a Writer. I will be True.

I just finished writing my day 10 post that I will not be posting as I would like to turn it into a book.

The prompt that she gave (I didn't know that she was giving prompts, lol) was to write what you're afraid to write. Vulnerability is power. 

I entered the cave. It really needs to be a book, I think, because the subject makes me have a relationship with my laptop. I can feel my connection. It's like we're conspiring together over this topic. Sharing secrets. It becomes my best friend that I whisper to. 

It's an amazing, passionate feeling when words flow. Seeing your thoughts jump onto the screen a moment after you think them. Creating your baby. Creating a love. 

I think that I'm falling back in love with writing and it's been a long time coming. I want to commit myself to it, here and now. 

I am a writer. I will be true. I'm grateful to my angels for allowing me this gift. 

day 10, #writeyourselfalive #writeeverydamnday #justwrite #writingchallenge