Saturday, October 3, 2015

It's fall. And again I feel the transition the season brings but also the transitioning in my life.

I'm reevaluating what I do and how I do it.

I'm unpacking the past, not only through the many boxes I'm going through but also through the unpacking compartments of my soul.

What's next? I can feel the answer on the wind that is getting ready to blow through the valley with a crisp realness. A fact that won't be denied.

I can't wait to face up to it in my sweater, jeans and boots. Perhaps also a scarf, gloves, overcoat... like snuggling up in front of a warm bonfire while the truth of winter glistens around you.

Come on, then.

Monday, September 28, 2015


So much has changed since the last post. I've taken a long break from being on here.

One thing that happened was that when I had begun to do that cleanse last January I found out that I was pregnant.

I had a miscarriage five weeks later.

I hadn't been sure that I wanted the baby but when I lost it, I was so sad and it took awhile to process.

You never think that you're going to be the one to have a miscarriage until you do. And then you wonder why you never thought that it was possible. Anything is possible.

But what was the lesson, the nugget that I took away from that experience?

That life is a miracle. Not to be taken for granted. That there is nothing to control about life. That human beings are infinitely complicated, complex and beautiful with being able to have so many facets, emotions, desires, loves, aversions, thoughts, beliefs in one body. Not to judge (again) anyone else for any choices that they make about parenting. This is a hard one. Our minds are constantly judging (this is good, this is bad, this is right, this is wrong, I know better) but try to catch it.

Just to be grateful to be alive myself and to be grateful for the opportunity to create life. And then to celebrate life by any means possible.


it's the only thing i hear.

i listen for your voice

and hear the silence.

which tells me

stop asking

which tells me

look within.

stop looking for the answer.

the answer is within.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Can Can Cleanse.

So. I'm doing a juice cleanse. God knows I need one. You know how people are calling themselves the Bad Yogi or the Rebel Yogi these days? That should totally be my name when it comes to my diet. 

I'm a girl who loves to eat. Eating has always been my, well, bad friend since late childhood. Thank God I was blessed with a high metabolism or it wouldn't have been easy to stay somewhat thin. When I was a teenager...I put away some serious food. I won't even go into it. And I wasn't throwing it up either. I was all in.

And now...well, I had cut out meat for the most part in Ohio but since coming to California that has changed again. Primarily because the meat is more organic here and because we're exploring the foodscape. 

But when you're an Ohio girl moving to California you think, wow, it's going to be so easy to eat fresh, etc. That has not been the case. We have found more pizza, burgers, fries, oysters, greek food, you name it. I don't know if it's us calling it in, or if Northern California really just has as much bad for you foods as Ohio does.

So. I'm doing a juice cleanse. And this is the year to incorporate much more fresh foods into my diet. Last year, I took most meat out and I'm going back to that after this month of enjoying the "bad yogi diet." It's seafood, fresh fruits and vegetables, healthy grains like quinoa, etc.. after this juice fast for me. 

I'm doing the Can Can Cleanse based out of San Fransisco. I'm actually excited about it this time. When I did it in Ohio twice (different company) I dreaded it because I was scared of being angry the whole time. But my body is calling for this. So, it's game time. 5 days of juicing. And, I just found out that this month was named after the Latin februum, which translates as purification!  It originated in ancient Roman times due to the fact that there was a purification festival on the full moon every February. Actually, I just had all kinds of questions arise from that. What kind of purification? Hmmmm. 

Well, I know what kind of purification mine is and there's nothing violent or witch-hunty about it. Just good clean juice. 

Cheers friends!

Saturday, January 24, 2015


Asking for help is a God send. It is amazing how much effort we put in "holding it together," meaning not letting another person know the depth of what we're going through. When it is usually the case that another person would love to listen, help, or completely put your mind and soul at ease.

It's even "worse," mostly for ourselves, if we start to get defensive and close off or become aggressive because we feel that others are to blame or are attacking us when in fact they are not at all.   It starts and ends with us and our own decisions.

I was the first person in this equation today and I witnessed someone else being the second...and all you want to do is help the person. You know that they need to help themselves when they've got themselves all walled in. But still, you try.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Beginners Mind.

I like to challenge myself and I don't mind not being the expert in the room. Sometimes people get caught up in looking the part so much that they can't be in a place of growth because they can't possibly put themselves in a place of discomfort. 

I don't need anyone to make me look good. 

I know that I can look good all on my own. Because I study. Because I practice. But most of all, because I truly care. And I know that it lands because I help people to transform. I am always looking for growth myself and am willing to transform, even though change is frightening for most of us. And I help to provide that for others and I'll place myself in the fire so that I can grow and continue to be there and present for what others truly need to succeed. 

Let's start a fire. In ourselves and others. 

Much love.