Thursday, March 13, 2014
I'm a yoga girl. I practice, I meditate. I believe in peace. But last night, I was confronted by a situation with a very confrontational man while I was out celebrating with my friend for her/my belated birthdays. Just two girls only out to enjoy each other's company and have some laughs. Meanwhile, while sitting at the packed restaurant/bar, we were slowly infiltrated by a group of men. I started out by being nice when they were just in our general area because they weren't being disrespectful and you couldn't even say that they were hitting on us. Although, I'm guessing they didn't come around two girls by themselves because they hoped we would be lifelong friends. Either way, keep your respectful distance and all will be fine. There are no signals here, my friend.
But this one guy really seemed to have a chip on his shoulder. He started talking to us in this condescending tone, like he had us pegged as bitchy girls who thought we were better than everybody. No. Incorrect. I mean, I CAN be bitchy. I have that capability. But as a general rule, I am not. And I never think that I am better than anybody. Sometimes sneaky thoughts get in that mind of mine, like they do everybody's and I have to check them because I try to be aware of my mental state. However, even though I knew he shouldn't have, this guy really did start to get under my skin. He kept calling me sweetheart. So, I started calling him sweetheart back. But what we were really calling each other in actuality was not sweetheart.
I'm a girl of peace and love. So, what happened? I know exactly what it was. I do not like being pegged and put in a hole as if you know anything at all about me. I am way more complex (as is everyone) than what you can sum up in five minutes. I do not like that you invite yourself into my space and then proceed to try and put me down. Worst of all, I do not like when someone treats me or people I love in an ill way which I would never, ever do to them. If I'm respecting you…why is it okay for you to disrespect me? It is not.
I learned to stand up for myself somewhere after high school even though I had learned to stand up for others way before then. When I was younger than twenty, I was always the "nice" girl who would get hurt by others, very often my own friends. And apparently, that girl who learned to stand up for herself is still in there and she will come out with claws if you cross the line. I thought that I had meditated her away. I guess... not yet. And I'm not sure that I want to 100%. I do want peace in my life. I do believe that we all come from the same source and are all one. But if someone comes at me, they need to know that I am plenty strong enough to stand up for myself. Whether you and an "army" of guys is around you or not.
This guy was spoiling for a fight and he brought it to a female. I don't know why he did this. The ideal would have been for me to diffuse the situation. But, at the same time, I am having a hard time feeling that I was wrong. There may have been one thing in particular that I should not have said. It may have included something about me beating his ass, army or no army. (He was literally in the Army). At that moment, my warrior came out. Being in the Army, he is literally a warrior and used to that role, I assume. But that does not mean you need to fight all of the time.
I much prefer peace. In yoga writings, there are plenty of stories about warriors. I think finding the balance is key. I read recently a quote from a girl I love from afar, Andrea Balt (she inspires me) "Your weirdness will make you stronger. Your dark side will keep you whole. Your vulnerability will connect you to the rest of our suffering world. Your creativity will set you free. There's nothing wrong with you." I like this because it addresses the perfectly imperfect human being belief. We all have many sides. Let's not pretend we're any one certain way and kill ourselves off in the meantime. I prefer peace but I can also be a warrior.
Thoughts for this yoga girl/warrior?