As many of you know... I am a yoga teacher.  I've had quite a lot of experiences through yoga. And for all of them, I'm grateful.

Currently I'm only teaching two classes a week, slowly as things feel right and that is by choice. I suppose I could be jumping into teaching full time or making something happen. But I truly feel that after everything that has happened in the last 3 to 5 years of my life that I need to take a sabbatical and get real and focused about what direction is right for me in this next unfolding. So, I am allowing. I am surrendering. In really everything in life and that feels pretty damn good. 

My only prayer now is that God's will be done. And I mean that in the least and at the same time the most religious way possible. My favorite phrase? Maktub. I learned it from The Alchemist which I'm sure quite a few of you out there have read. It means...it is written. My trust has increased in untold ways and I'm sure that for all things that have happened in the past there are reasons and I have certainly grown from them.

I am grateful to be here. 

Much LOVE. Maktub. ;)

waiting
for you to enter
a bit unsure
of the reason for all of this

i heard
the soft rustling of my heart
the prologue of
what was, what was to be

the air surrounding
soft and warm, inviting
it gave no
sense or call of warning

and i relaxed then
into the sweetness of your arms
then and forever
yes. then and now

Wedding Homework.

Next weekend I will marry another couple, my second time as officiant of a wedding.

And I get the pure joy of looking up love poems to insert into my reading. This is the second time this poem has come up recently (first time by accident) and I'm absolutely in love with it.

Prepare yourself for the last stanza. It breaks your heart, in a good way.


Variation on the Word Sleep

by Margaret Atwood

I would like to watch you sleeping.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.



AND THIS ONE. Don't pass out from the gorgeousness...


I Got Kin

by Hafiz

Plant
So that your own heart
Will grow.

Love
So God will think,

“Ahhhhhh,
I got kin in that body!
I should start inviting that soul over
For coffee and
Rolls.”

Sing
Because this is a food
Our starving world
Needs.

Laugh
Because that is the purest
Sound.

We

by Nayyirah Waheed

we
return to each other in waves.
this is how water
loves.

It's fall. And again I feel the transition the season brings but also the transitioning in my life.

I'm reevaluating what I do and how I do it.

I'm unpacking the past, not only through the many boxes I'm going through but also through the unpacking compartments of my soul.

What's next? I can feel the answer on the wind that is getting ready to blow through the valley with a crisp realness. A fact that won't be denied.

I can't wait to face up to it in my sweater, jeans and boots. Perhaps also a scarf, gloves, overcoat... like snuggling up in front of a warm bonfire while the truth of winter glistens around you.

Come on, then.

life.

So much has changed since the last post. I've taken a long break from being on here.

One thing that happened was that when I had begun to do that cleanse last January I found out that I was pregnant.

I had a miscarriage five weeks later.

I hadn't been sure that I wanted the baby but when I lost it, I was so sad and it took awhile to process.

You never think that you're going to be the one to have a miscarriage until you do. And then you wonder why you never thought that it was possible. Anything is possible.

But what was the lesson, the nugget that I took away from that experience?

That life is a miracle. Not to be taken for granted. That there is nothing to control about life. That human beings are infinitely complicated, complex and beautiful with being able to have so many facets, emotions, desires, loves, aversions, thoughts, beliefs in one body. Not to judge (again) anyone else for any choices that they make about parenting. This is a hard one. Our minds are constantly judging (this is good, this is bad, this is right, this is wrong, I know better) but try to catch it.

Just to be grateful to be alive myself and to be grateful for the opportunity to create life. And then to celebrate life by any means possible.

silence.

it's the only thing i hear.

i listen for your voice

and hear the silence.

which tells me

stop asking

which tells me

look within.

stop looking for the answer.

the answer is within.

Can Can Cleanse.

So. I'm doing a juice cleanse. God knows I need one. You know how people are calling themselves the Bad Yogi or the Rebel Yogi these days? That should totally be my name when it comes to my diet. 

I'm a girl who loves to eat. Eating has always been my, well, bad friend since late childhood. Thank God I was blessed with a high metabolism or it wouldn't have been easy to stay somewhat thin. When I was a teenager...I put away some serious food. I won't even go into it. And I wasn't throwing it up either. I was all in.

And now...well, I had cut out meat for the most part in Ohio but since coming to California that has changed again. Primarily because the meat is more organic here and because we're exploring the foodscape. 

But when you're an Ohio girl moving to California you think, wow, it's going to be so easy to eat fresh, etc. That has not been the case. We have found more pizza, burgers, fries, oysters, greek food, you name it. I don't know if it's us calling it in, or if Northern California really just has as much bad for you foods as Ohio does.

So. I'm doing a juice cleanse. And this is the year to incorporate much more fresh foods into my diet. Last year, I took most meat out and I'm going back to that after this month of enjoying the "bad yogi diet." It's seafood, fresh fruits and vegetables, healthy grains like quinoa, etc.. after this juice fast for me. 

I'm doing the Can Can Cleanse based out of San Fransisco. I'm actually excited about it this time. When I did it in Ohio twice (different company) I dreaded it because I was scared of being angry the whole time. But my body is calling for this. So, it's game time. 5 days of juicing. And, I just found out that this month was named after the Latin februum, which translates as purification!  It originated in ancient Roman times due to the fact that there was a purification festival on the full moon every February. Actually, I just had all kinds of questions arise from that. What kind of purification? Hmmmm. 

Well, I know what kind of purification mine is and there's nothing violent or witch-hunty about it. Just good clean juice. 

Cheers friends!