Pages

Monday, September 28, 2015

life.

So much has changed since the last post. I've taken a long break from being on here.

One thing that happened was that when I had begun to do that cleanse last January I found out that I was pregnant.

I had a miscarriage five weeks later.

I hadn't been sure that I wanted the baby but when I lost it, I was so sad and it took awhile to process.

You never think that you're going to be the one to have a miscarriage until you do. And then you wonder why you never thought that it was possible. Anything is possible.

But what was the lesson, the nugget that I took away from that experience?

That life is a miracle. Not to be taken for granted. That there is nothing to control about life. That human beings are infinitely complicated, complex and beautiful with being able to have so many facets, emotions, desires, loves, aversions, thoughts, beliefs in one body. Not to judge (again) anyone else for any choices that they make about parenting. This is a hard one. Our minds are constantly judging (this is good, this is bad, this is right, this is wrong, I know better) but try to catch it.

Just to be grateful to be alive myself and to be grateful for the opportunity to create life. And then to celebrate life by any means possible.


4 comments:

Mary Swan-Bell said...

My sweet, sweet friend. I have no words. But I do have a big space in my heart in which to hold you. Let's get together soon <3

Erin Kouvas said...

Love you. <3 Let's.

Unknown said...

Thank God you are blogging again, it makes my heart swell with joy :-) Breaks are necessary……Time lessens the pain from the wounds, yet never takes it completely away…..I am sorry for your hurt and hurdles…...You have to honor your sacred space and take time away when you need it…..I respect you, honor you, and can't wait for you to completely resurface……..this is evidence that you are coming back soon. So many people miss you. You touch and change lives, just from your presence in a room. Sometimes we cocoon, and during that time…..the things that are building and brewing are just so amazing that ……WATCH OUT WORLD~~~Your re-entry will be incredible. XOXO

Erin Kouvas said...

I don't know who you are, unknown, although I might have an idea. :) But it doesn't matter if your name is there. Your words have touched my heart deeply and I appreciate them completely. I do believe that something is brewing...although I'm not 100% sure what that will look like when it's done. I'm very excited for this next chapter. <3 Much love to you and to everyone that I miss and who may miss me. I've got nothing but a peaceful heart about where I am and where I've been. All experiences have had something to add. So much peace and love to you. xox!