Dream State.

Sometimes I think that a whole separate world exists in our dreams. 

Our dreams seem to want to tell us something, don't they? Where do they come from? It seems like they might be just a jumble of pictures that have been in our head in some way or another, and then spit out in random moments while we are unconscious.

However, there are times when you dream about something or someone...and it seems impossible to shake. What does it mean? If only someone could tell you, wouldn't it reveal some greater picture in your life? 

I look up dream meanings a lot and mostly, they're disappointing. I find myself looking for a specific answer, which is absolutely ridiculous. If I have an opinion, then why am I searching? I am always searching. It is part of my DNA to want to understand the mysterious. The spiritual. The meaning behind the meaning. 

So dreams speak to me. I had a professor once tell me that you definitely have to interpret your dreams yourself. She had studied symbolism as well as a multitude of other subjects, written books about various subjects herself so I take her advice to heart. What do the items in the dream say to you, she would ask. 

For example, at one point in my life, I could not stop dreaming about alligators. I would be walking on their backs, swimming with them, seeing them in the water from the shore. It means something. Why alligators? Really doesn't make sense for a landlocked Ohio girl to dream constantly of this creature which she would never interact with. 

I felt like it was a symbol of my subconscious. Of wanting to go deeper. The thing that lurks just beneath the surface, always there, always waiting patiently. And when you least expect it, those eyes that pop up out of nowhere. Fascinating.

What do you dream of? Does it stick with you? Do you just brush it off like cracker crumbs? Does it mean anything? Or nothing at all?

Shit Carrying.

Sometimes people hurt you by the way that they speak to you, or by their actions. Take a beat. Take two. In fact, take a day or as long as you need. Write them a letter to get out your first reactions. 

See how much of what you're feeling is your stuff and not what they're saying to you. How much of what you're feeling are you feeling because it's old stuff that you believe about yourself and you're not being honest about that? A lot of times we react to people in a certain way because it reminds us of another situation from our past. They are not those other people, this situation is entirely new. So get some space around it to investigate.

And then be honest about your feelings in as kind a way as possible. Holding shit in only makes more of it in your life.

And in the end, you may find out that you were both wrong about your assumptions. And if not, if they really are just being an a-hole....which we all have the capability of.... just let them figure out their own journey. It's not your shit to carry. Don't carry the shit.

Moment to Moment.

I've been sitting in traffic for over an hour and it seems like we could be here for awhile longer. They've stopped traffic coming from the other direction and there have been two helicopters that have landed and then flown away. There is a smell of smoke in the air. 

A feeling of sadness, or sickness has settled into my stomach and I've said a few prayers. Things like this always make you feel great big kindness towards people that you don't know. Make you focus solely on them. It's interesting. But for the grace of God, that would have been me. I stopped awhile back at the rest stop only because I didn't have any more cash for tolls. I stopped at the food counter and they took so long, so I thought at the moment. And now, I'm sitting in traffic a half mile to a mile or so away from a devastating car accident. I've been up since 6:30 am (16 hours) and have been in my car for 7 hours. Not even a small bit important. Not even a small bit. Someone's life is being changed or maybe lost in this moment. 

This stuff is happening all the time, of course, but being close to it always makes it so much more real. Palpable. I feel like this is why service to others in this life is really the only way to live. No matter what your career might be, there is always the opportunity to serve and lift others. 

I was watching The Power of Myth last night...Joseph Campbell... and in it he was telling the story of a man who was about to commit suicide by jumping off a ledge, and then a police officer grabbed that man. And as they were about to fall over the edge that the man had tried to jump from, a second police officer grabbed onto the first and saved them all. All the while, risking his own life very much in the process. And when asked why he did that, the man said I couldn't live with myself if I hadn't tried. He was willing to risk everything, his job, his family, his life, Campbell says because we all know at some very deep level that we are all one. That we exist within each other. One huge living organism. 

I had a coach once tell me that we are all cells in the body of humanity. I think he heard it somewhere, I can't remember where now. And to be a cell of good...to be a cell that fights off the cancer. 

That's pretty deep. But we all do have the ability to send out energy into the world. What energetic field are we giving off? What ripple effect do our actions and words have on others? 

In a moment, it may be gone. Hopefully we give as much as we've got while we've got the chance.

hero's journey.

Saw the movie The Judge tonight. 

So. Sad. 

But a beautiful movie that captures the complexity of family and regardless of that complexity, the love within. 

The best line goes to the ex-girlfriend when he goes home to visit for a rather sad occasion. 

The two of them are sitting in a diner and she says something like, I decided from then on that I was going to be the hero in my story. Does that sound cheesy? 

And he replies, no, it sounds epic. 

I want to be the hero in my own story. I want others around me that are the heroes of their own stories. I want to help lift people up to be the heroes that they are. 

Just wow. 

You truly can never stop learning in yoga and in life. I'm in the midst of my accidental second 500 hour teacher training (I just love this teacher and her outlook and teaching style and beliefs, etc...and I have 3 years to finish if I want to) and, dare I say, it just keeps getting better. I just keep getting deeper. There has not been ONE boring moment in the two days that I've been in training and we start at 7 am and finish at 8 pm. So...there's that. And then there's the awesome people you meet and the fears you face and the growth that happens. All on the side of new knowledge and brand new teaching tools.

It would be easy to think that you know everything, when really you have only scratched the surface. How interesting life is. How much to know. How much to be curious about.